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In a room full of crew members, other Insex models and viewers anxiously awaiting my show, I felt completely alone atop the barrel as PD tied the second and final knot of the cloth around my face. When PD took away my sight the room went silent; there was no show. I was in a dark room alone, insignificant and forgotten.
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It was like an awakening for me. Like I had never seen or felt anything real until that moment. And suddenly, it was all very clear. I was immersed in reality, swimming in it. And there was nothing to do but embrace it.
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In the darkness, my fear is heightened. The anticipation of what’s to come builds inside my gut. In the darkness, I submit control. Acting on instinct, I take no responsibility for my actions. In the darkness, I see a little more clearly. I can no longer feel the mask that keeps me in the dark. My barrier from reality has become a part of me. It has become….comfortable.
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I met him in his chat one night. He seemed so intense. I told him how I had watched him torture those poor young girls for such a long time, and how I had fantasies about suffering before him myself. I asked if I could come to see him, not knowing what might really lie in store for me. To my amazement he said yes! I grew wet just from the thought.
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The night before the shoot, right before I went to bed, I started getting a little nervous. It was 5:00 in the a.m., and I was a bit tired. “Cherry,” I told myself, “you just need some sleep to restore your mind to its natural state.” I took my own advice, and upon awakening, felt much better; I was actually excited for the show.
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It’s late. Two or three in the morning. I can’t sleep. The moon sluices through windows and shatters, like white litter, on the floor. I think of Mount Fuji, silent dragon sleeping, ice-capped, and the moon, and thin-streamed clouds.
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On Friday after school, me and Amber waltz up and down the boardwalk. I wear sweaters two sizes too small. I don’t got any boobs to speak of, but my tits stick out good, doing a bounce when I walk. Couple weeks ago some dude offered me a twenty to suck his dick behind the duck shoot tent. I think he thought I was dumb or something. The guy had a goofy looking dick. I made him give me the twenty first, plus a five just cause his dick was ugly.
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Dressed in a conservative knee length skirt, matching top, and sensible high heels I awaited my fate, gagged and cuffed, while talking myself into the appropraite mood needed. Only at times was I aware of the movement around me instead I was attempting to control the drool that was forming around the tightly cinched rope wetting the mattress and smearing my freshly made up face.
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When az and spacegirl, both members of the site, came in to test for insex, we had no idea how these girls were going to work out. Little did we know, these 2 girls would turn out to be the future stars of many shoots and live feeds.
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My training was not just an experience that helped me become a better Insex submissive, it was a way to explore myself and sort out what it is that draws me to bdsm. I was one of those who knew that an interest in bdsm was probably a part of me, yet I hadn’t been fortunate enough to experience it. By coming to Insex, I was able to determine what exactly it is about bdsm that excites me, both physically and mentally.
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Dairy available here.
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